Yalom, on the room
The Gift of Therapy · Irvin D. Yalom
The most useful book I have ever read about being a witness to another human being.
Yalom writes for therapists. I think he is also writing — secretly, on every page — for anyone who has ever been responsible for holding a room.
Three things I learned from him that I use every week:
- Trust the immediate. If something is happening between you and the person in front of you, that is the work. Do not steer it back to the agenda.
- Use the present tense. "I notice I'm leaning forward" is more useful than "we should discuss leaning forward."
- The relationship is the medicine. Not the technique. Not the framework. The relationship.
If you only ever read one of his books and you are not a therapist, read this one. He is teaching what it means to be in a room without trying to be the most useful person in it.